How to Become a Superhero Mom in 7 Easy Steps
As moms, we have the power to function with no sleep, make boo-boos go away with a kiss, and kill the scary monster in the closet. However, “with great power comes great responsibility.” Every day, we need to summon unparalleled strength and courage in us to conquer and survive unimaginable situations. Especially for new moms, the amount of responsibility may be overwhelming at first. For the sake of our kids, we need to become superheroes, and there is no time to waste. Here are 7 steps to help you achieve superhero status in a flash (ha…ha):
Step 1: Discover Your Super Power
Don’t have the ability to fly or shoot webs out of your wrists? Not able to gain muscle tone at the blink of an eye when you are angry? No worries, soon you will discover you can:
- Use your “spider-sense” to detect and stop impending danger, like when it’s way too quiet in the house and your toddler is about to draw on the dog with a permanent marker.
- Use your super speed and reflexes to catch your baby when he/she dives off the sofa, the table, or a play structure.
- Use your super strength to carry a baby, a toddler, a diaper bag, and all the toys they must hold in their hands all at the same time while pushing a shopping cart full of grocery.
- Use your super endurance and patience to survive hours of cluster feeding and tearful temper tantrums.
- Talk in super low, deep voice (ok not a super power but Batman sure frightens his enemies when he talks like that) and scare the bejesus out of your children when they do something wrong.
Step 2: Find Your Costume
All superheroes need a cool yet functional costume. For breastfeeding moms, this means nursing tops or V-necks perhaps with a nursing cover as a cap. Think about stain-resistant clothes because you will encounter spit-ups, poop stains, vomit, and food stains as you fight your way through diaper changes, cases of stomach flu, mealtimes, etc. For most moms, especially ones like me who do not look like Wonder Woman weeks after giving birth, the costume cannot be completed without a super comfortable pair of yoga pants. Here is a helpful tip – always have a backup costume in the car because you never know when your costume may be ripped or dirtied in the heat of the battle and may need a replacement pronto.
Step 3: Equip Yourself with Cool Gadgets
For superheroes like Iron Man and Batman, gadgets are what enable them to do extraordinary stunts to save lives. Similarly, moms cannot survive without the necessary gadgets. Instead of tear-gas pellets or laser torch in a utility belt, moms are often equipped with snacks, books, and toys in a diaper bag – anything to help quiet down a baby or toddler.
Step 4: Locate Your Secret Lair
I know, wouldn’t it be nice if us moms have our own Fortress of Solitude in the middle of nowhere so we could at least go to the bathroom in peace? But since we can’t leave our little humans for too long, we need somewhere local to stash our stuff. I guess the closet will have to do for storing our costumes. If you are one of the lucky ones who have a walk-in pantry with a door, you can use the top shelves to hide your secret stash of food that you don’t want your children to have and sneak a bite or two in before your kids drag you out of your not-so-secret lair to fulfill their never-ending list of needs.
Step 5: Come Up with a Catchphrase
I know, when our toddlers are testing our patience, we all want to just yell “HULK SMASH!” (or is it just me?). However, that probably would draw some weird glances your way from other parents on the playground. So come up with something that is more you. Most moms use the same catchphrase, such as “If you don’t stop, we are going home!” or “I am going to count to 5. 1… 2… 3…” I have decided to take a page out of Judge Dredd’s book and shout “I am the law!” every time my kids refuse to listen to me (just kidding). Remember, your catchphrase says a lot about you and represents who you are as a person, so choose a good one that gives you power and boosts your strength.
Step 6: Form Your League
All superheroes have a weakness that they cannot overcome, so they team up with others to fight their enemies. Some moms cannot cook for the life of them, while others have trouble entertaining their toddlers all by themselves at home. Whatever your Kryptonite is, it could be another mom’s strength. Therefore, moms need to find their tribe and build a village of moms supporting each other.
Step 7: Take Down the Enemies
Sometimes the “enemies” are your own kids who are doing everything to test your patience and wear you down. Sometimes they are the bullies on the playground threatening to embarrass and take advantage of your kid. They may be known enemies, or they may pop up when you least expect it, like a fellow mom who offers candy to your child when you are trying to promote a sugar-free lifestyle. Whoever it is, always be ready to summon your powers and figuratively beat down your enemies and save the day.
You think Thor would be able to change a diaper as efficiently as you? Or Captain America be able to make your toddler eat spinach? Maybe we don’t fight crime or combat threats against humanity, but we as moms have our own superhero powers to get through adventures of motherhood. And just like all of the superheroes, we will always be there to protect the ones we love no matter what. So step into a metaphorical phone booth and slip on those yoga pants moms. It’s clobberin’ time.
Who is your favorite superhero and what kind of superhero would you be?